CRASHING! KILLER SPAM SCAM PORN FLOOD APPROACHING!

Hold on tight, folks, because a massive flood of spam is about to slam down on your email. We're talking atrocious amounts of phony emails packed with vile porn. These bastards are trying to cheat you out of your hard-earned money, so be totally vigilant. Don't click on any buttons in these emails, and flag them immediately. Don't get caught!